The Joy of Letting Go

You know how people always tell a couple, who are trying to get pregnant "Just relax. Forget about it" Yeah right people..... you try to not think about it, when all you want is to be pregnant.
Well, I've been reading a book on Chinese medicine. And one of the things in there is to let go. Ok, so what are we letting go of? Well, think about what the things that you think define you. You were away the chubby kid, and thought that if you could just be skinny, you'd be happy. Or if you could just be really good in school then everything would be good. So you try desperatly to be something, something other than you (I'm not saying don't do anything abt the weight.... just try to live healthy, don't compensate in some other way).
The book the said to let go!
So I looked at what I was trying so hard to do... and well, it was trying to get pregnant. I thought that if I would just get pregnant, I'd be happy, I'd be complete. I thought that was what I had to be.
Ok, the harder part, letting go. I started praying for help to let go. I realised that I have tow wonderful little girls, that I have carried and given birth to. I LOVE being pregnant, I might be sore and feel icky, but I love it. And the natural high I'm on for 12 hours following the amazing miracle of giving birth.... Well, I have done it twice, I've had the joy of that experience. So letting go.... realizing that I don't NEED to do it again. That being pregnant and giving birth is not what defines me. These things are not what makes me, well me.
It took me a week. And I am now ok with the idea, that if I don't get pregnant agian... that's ok.
I know I will have more kids somehow.... I know I will hold a baby in my arms again, and that that baby will be mine, I just don't know how that baby will get into my arms.
So in the last week, I have held 2 babies, and haven't had the "oh baby" feeling where I amost want to cry because there is a baby in my arms. I held them, and just enjoyed the cute little humans in my arms, and didn't crave them.
And I'm happy dang it all. Everytime I look at my loving, eternal companion, I love him more than I did, when I looked at him 30 sec ago.
I have let go! And I am happy!